either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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