my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
