What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
But break dance skills will only take you so far
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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