My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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