If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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