Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
why do cheetos always look like penises
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
