cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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