make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
