idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
