Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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