I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
