I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize