Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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