he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
