This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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