Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
