She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize