Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
