You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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