yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
