Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
