i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
