We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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