Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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