Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The ass gains better be worth it
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