I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
There's even glitter on my cock...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
