found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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