I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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