Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
