I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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