woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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