Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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