Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
