I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
