Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
