You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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