from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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