i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
