I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
