Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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