he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
