ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
