When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
