I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
