I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
