dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize