Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he shaved USA in his pubs
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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