On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
