it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
