I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
