highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
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