Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize