her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
