I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
