Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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