It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
