She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
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