Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
