My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
