some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
