I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
