I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
