i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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