11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
