The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
