You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
